Leveraging Shared Interests Immediately
A shared interest is one of the best raw materials for an opener because the common ground is already there. The mistake most people make is treating it like a discovery announcement: "I also like [thing]!" That is not a conversation - It is a coincidence report. The goal is to use the shared interest as a launch pad, not a punchline.
Why shared interests work
Common ground removes the awkwardness of a cold start. When you share something, there is an implicit "we already have something" that lowers the barrier to a real exchange. You are not pitching yourself - You are continuing a conversation that already makes sense.
The psychological reason this works is relevance. Most openers feel arbitrary - Someone chose to message someone else for reasons that are not stated. A shared interest gives a natural reason to have reached out, which makes the whole thing feel less random.
How to find shared interests in a profile
- Prompt answers often contain interests embedded in longer responses - Read the whole thing, not just the headline.
- Interests listed in their profile are the obvious place - But everyone reads those, so go deeper.
- Photos often contain more detail than the text: books, gear, places, activities in the background.
- Their job or study area can indicate interests that are not explicitly listed.
- Look for anything they phrased with enthusiasm - Superlatives, specificity, or strong language usually mean it matters to them. Their bio and prompt answers are the richest source for this.
The formula for using shared interests
Name the shared interest + your specific connection to it + a question about theirs. This is the structure that works. "I also like hiking" is a dead end. "I see you hike - I've been doing [specific trail/region] lately. What kind of terrain do you prefer?" gives them something to say.
The key is the word "also" - It implies you are in the same category, which reduces the gap. But without a specific question, the shared interest is just a statement. Always close with an actual invitation to respond.
Examples by interest type
| Interest area | Weak version | Strong version |
|---|---|---|
| Travel | "I love travelling too!" | "You've been to [place] - I've been meaning to go. What was it actually like?" |
| Reading | "I'm a big reader as well." | "You mentioned [author/genre] - I've been reading [related thing]. What did you make of [title]?" |
| Fitness | "I work out too!" | "You do [activity] - I started [related thing] recently. How long did it take before you actually liked it?" |
| Food / cooking | "Same, I love food." | "You cook - What's the last thing you made that actually worked out the way you planned?" |
| Music | "Good taste in music." | "You listed [artist] - They're underrated. Have you seen them live or just recorded?" |
| Outdoor activities | "I do that too!" | "Your [activity] photo looks serious - Is that a regular thing or was it a one-off?" |
When they do not engage with the shared interest
If they respond but steer away from the topic you raised, follow their lead. They may have listed that interest and moved on, or it may not be the thing they actually want to talk about right now. The first messages guide has strategies for pivoting the conversation naturally.
A second attempt at the same hook feels forced. Switch to asking about something they did seem engaged by in their reply, or use a different part of their profile. See the openers guide for other approaches when one angle does not land.
More from Openers That Work
Using Observations to Start Conversations
Playful Teasing Techniques for Openers
Asking High-Engagement Questions
Complimenting Personality Over Appearance
Breaking the Ice With Humour
Starting With a Relatable Opinion
The Psychology of a Successful Opener
Avoiding Common Greeting Mistakes
Customising Messages for Better Replies